Working with Aggressive People - Dealing with the Verbal Assailant

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Aggressive Statements
After completing this lesson, you will be able to apply strategies to deal with verbal assailants in given business scenarios. And for this we are going to focus more on practical real-life situations. "Jim, if you cared about the design department, you wouldn't complain about the new procedure so much."

Or how about "Jane, any well-trained budget analyst should realize that's not an effective format for presenting the projections to the planning committee"? Both statements illustrate the verbal assailant's most common form of hostile-aggressive behavior: stating a negative presumption about the person who is the target of the attack.

Emotional Involvement
Negative presumptions are especially effective "nets" used by the verbal assailant to snare his victims and pull them into emotional involvement. Verbal assailants try to set up no-win situations for their victims. How do you react when you're the victim? Do you have a tendency to fall into the trap and get emotionally involved when a verbal assailant is on the scene?

Avoid Getting Trapped Your goal is to avoid getting trapped. In this topic, you'll learn how to apply three effective strategies for handling the verbal assailant in the workplace:

• respond directly to the negative presumption, 
• confront the verbal assailant, and 
• don't take the attacks personally. 

Jim's reaction to the accusation that he didn't care about the design department was "Actually, I do care." And Jane responded, "What makes you think I'm not well-trained?" to the charge that her presentation was ineffective. Responding directly to the negative presumption is your first strategy for dealing with a verbal assailant.

Don't get trapped into responding defensively to an insulting accusation. That's exactly what the verbal assailant wants you to do. Jim and Jane have both learned from past workplace experiences how to avoid getting pulled into a no-win situation with a verbal assailant. They were self-confident and composed in their responses.

Respond Directly
Responding directly to the negative presumption is a good first strategy to use with a verbal assailant. This kind of response deflates the hostility of the situation and sets the tone for resolution.

Jim could question the motives of his assailant by asking questions like "Do you really believe I don't care about the department?" "Have I said or done something else that gave you that impression?" "Do you agree that my concerns about the procedure have a reasonable basis?"

Confronting the Verbal Assailant
Jane will have the option to confront Rod, her verbal assailant, after he made a remark in a staff meeting implying she wasn't well- trained for her job. Jane confronts Rod directly on his negative presumption and then brought his real concerns into the open. Happy endings occur when negative presumptions are exposed and real issues are addressed and resolved.

Confronting the verbal assailant is a good coping technique to use with a co-worker or a subordinate. The air is cleared when all parties involved clearly agree what issues really exist. Don't take the attacks personally The third and final coping strategy is to avoid taking the verbal assailant's attack personally. You need to remain calm while rising above the no-win challenge the verbal assailant has tried to induce.

This is an especially effective technique if the verbal assailant is your supervisor or a customer. Both Jim and Jane have to respond calmly to their assailants. They are able to do so because they responded in a professional manner and didn't take the attacks personally. An effective statement could be "I really don't want to discuss that." Such a statement puts the verbal assailant on notice that you won't play whatever no-win game she has planned.

The Strategy You want to take an approach similar to the one taken by both Jane and Jim. You should use their strategies for coping with any verbal assailant you encounter in the workplace. The two strategies discussed so far--confronting the verbal assailant and responding directly to his negative presumptions--support this third strategy of refusing to take his attack personally.

Remain calm
Your ability to remain calm when under assault is a strong defense against a verbal assailant. For example, "I really don't understand your attitude" is a calm response to a verbal assailant's unwarranted attack against you. Rise above the no-win game. You don't want to get trapped in a no-win game set up by a verbal assailant.

Saying "I don't agree that I was mistaken in my approach" is an example of avoiding a no-win situation in which the assailant said or implied your approach was wrong. Refusing to take the assault personally is a good strategy to use with a verbal assailant.
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Working with Aggressive People - Characteristics of the Verbal Assailant

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Characteristics of the Verbal Assailant
If you've had a job for very long, you've probably heard these kinds of hostile words before. Did it happen to you? Where you the person making the proposal? Or, please don’t leave now, where you the person making the comment.

Verbal Assailants
Verbal assailants can be directly hostile to you or vent their open hostility to others with the knowledge that their comments will undoubtedly get back to you. So, they do it most of the time on purpose and if possible not in your presence.

Verbal assailants are often people with low self-esteem. In their insecurity, they belittle you in order to build themselves up. And, when they're successful, you pay the price. But, have this in mind: only i exceptional situation they will openly vent a critic.

Nevertheless, they want to get you emotionally involved in the no-win situations they set up. Then they feel superior to you when their verbal attacks succeed. So, guess what, don’t let yourself participate into their game.

 Their game If you get hooked and try to play their game by their rules, you'll always lose. That's because verbal assailants create the game and its rules to their advantage. And, it’s noisy. And, you already have things to do. And, you lose energy for nothing.

Understanding verbal assailants
But, when you can identify the characteristics of verbal assailants, you take a big step toward being able to deal with their hostile-aggressive behavior. So, based on your experience, how can verbal assailants best be described?

Hostile-aggressive verbal assailants: 1. are often derisive in the comments they make about others. 2. are frequently patronizing as they put others down. 3. are often highly judgmental in their criticism of others. What do you think? In fact, verbal assailants can be all three: derisive, patronizing, and judgmental.

Verbal assailants make statements intended to deride or hurt individuals. Their comments are not meant as constructive feedback, but instead to help them feel better about themselves. Because hostile-aggressive verbal assailants often have low self-esteem, they build themselves up by tearing others down. They will speak down to others in order to feel superior.

A verbal assailant is not interested in helping others with their feedback. Instead, their words are often bitingly critical and intended to make the other person feel bad about himself. This topic So, most people have had experiences with hostile-aggressive people. We are not special at all if we can give at least 3 recent examples. As we have seen, there are three main characteristics of active - aggressors who act out as verbal assailants.

In this topic, you'll learn that verbal assailants can be: • derisive • patronizing • judgmental. It can be disheartening when you realize you're the target of hostile aggression from a verbal assailant. Even a known verbal assailant may catch you at an unexpected moment or in an awkward situation.

But, if knowledge is power, then knowing the traits of the aggressor may ease the circumstances for you. The situation may not be pleasant, but you'll at least understand what is happening.

Derisive
Verbal assailants often use derisive taunts in their assaults. They belittle others to throw them off guard. They often raise sarcastic comments to a nasty art form. They seem to revel in escalating their negative remarks to new heights and new targets.

Derisive comments are meant to put someone down. For example, "You've got to be a moron to approach the project that way. What are you thinking of, anyway?"

Patronizing
Verbal assailants frequently make patronizing comments. They ridicule others with backhanded compliments or condemn with faint praise falsely given. By patronizing others, verbal assailants believe they elevate themselves above the targets of their assaults.

Patronizing comments are meant to put someone down. For example, "That's not too bad for someone with your lack of experience. I suggest that you get some help to polish it before the presentation."

Judgmental
Verbal assailants are critically judgmental of others--friends and foes alike. They commonly employ negative barbs as they pronounce their judgments concerning the faults of those around them. They act as though they have a given right to judge others.

Judgmental comments are meant to identify and pass judgment on the faults of others--real or otherwise. For example, "Jim really doesn't seem capable of understanding the issues we face on this project."

Next
To conclude this lesson, identifying verbal assailants in the workplace becomes easier when you know their characteristics. The words they use and the way they use them are clear, important indicators of their aggressive behavior.

 Knowing the characteristics of hostile-aggressive verbal assailants will enable you to cope with their derisive, patronizing, or judgmental behavior. In the next video we are going to practice together ways of dealing with verbal assailants.

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